So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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