u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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