She is in my trunk
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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