so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
