Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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