Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
