..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
did i walk over a car last night?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
