I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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