I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
