I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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