For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
