Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
