I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize