...so i touched it.
i just had sex bonerless
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
