that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
