If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
