her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
