hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
