her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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