marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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