He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
