I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize