Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
