in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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