Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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