actually, I'm a sock model
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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