you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
