Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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