too bad you live with your parents still
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
