I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
