You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
