my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
