So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
