She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
