Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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