drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize