end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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