We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
