If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
