This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
