yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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