Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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