you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
