i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
