I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're too hungover to prance.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
