I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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