dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
