butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
