Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Randomize