I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
