I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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