he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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