Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
