Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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