i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
