1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
