Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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