; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize