what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
