have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
