I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
