you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
