last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
