Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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