im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
