I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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