So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
