atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
