but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
