My nipple is on Facebook.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My vagina is officially offended.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
