my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
