But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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