it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
