I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
