at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
