Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
