I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
