I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
