In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
