No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
