fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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