Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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