Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
