But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
