babies were throwing up all over the place
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
