I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
where are you?
Hypothermia
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
