I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize