Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
