Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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