i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
