I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
This is my gift to your gina
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
