We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
