she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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