4 words: hood of his car
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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