Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize