I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
