just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
A bitchslap is in order.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
