I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
