it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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