the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
